What if I told you that motivation is overemphasized? What if I told you that the real driver of long-term success isn’t a function of feeling the urge every day but, instead, of controlling your emotions?
Motivation is regarded by many people as the secret to success. Many people will sit down and wait for that perfect moment to act, when they feel like doing it. The problem is that motivation is temporary. It is like the weather, here today and gone tomorrow. The problem is, emotional intelligence (EI) is the real deal – the ability to manage and work with emotions effectively.
In this article, we will discuss why emotional control is a better way to long-term success than motivation, how it affects personal and career development, and how to build it. You’ll also read real-world examples of people who changed their lives by working on their emotions.
The Science Of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence as conceived by psychologist Daniel Goleman comprises five key elements:
- Self awareness – The ability to identify, understand and control the emotions that you experience, and their effect on your thinking and behaviour.
- Self regulation – Controlling emotions, particularly in stressful situations.
- Motivation – The ability to keep going with goals even in the face of failure.
- Empathy – The ability to understand and share people’s emotions.
- Social skills – How to work with people and develop good relationships.
Unlike motivation which is dependent on outside stimuli, emotional intelligence is an internal ability that can be worked on and enhanced.
Case Study: How Emotional Control Helped Jeff Bezos Become a Success
When Amazon was still in its infancy, Jeff Bezos faced a lot of difficulties. Shareholders did not appreciate his ideas, there were rivals, and there were only disappointments. Instead of getting angry or giving up, Bezos stayed cool, used his brain to work out what was wrong and came up with a new plan. He didn’t let his emotions get the better of him and acted impulsively, which led him to create one of the most powerful companies in the world.
Why Emotional Control Beats Motivation Every Time
1. Motivation is Temporary, Emotional Intelligence is Lasting
For instance, have you ever tried to set your resolutions for the new year, or have you decided to go to the gym, or learn a new skill, and after a few weeks, you lost motivation? That is because motivation is based on feelings and feelings are changeable.
However, emotional control helps you to stay disciplined even when motivated by negative emotions like stress, or boredom. It assists you to continue working even when you are faced with challenges, lack of interest or stress.
The Olympics athletes don’t just roll out of bed one motivated individuals. What makes them different from the rest of the people is their willingness to train even when they are not in the mood to.
2. Emotional Control Results in Better Decision Making
Acting on impulse in relationships, at work or in other areas of our life, results in regret. Controlling your emotions helps you avoid making spontaneous decisions and instead choose to think things through.
Example: Warren Buffett is one of the biggest investors in the world and he has attributed his success to emotional control. This is because, while other investors panic and make irrational decisions during market crashes, Buffett remains calm and makes rational decisions.
3. Strong Emotional Intelligence = Better Relationships
In any aspect of life whether business or interpersonal communication, the ability to manage conflict, give and receive messages effectively and understand people’s perspectives is crucial. Motivation does not teach you how to handle confrontation but emotional intelligence does.
Example: Managers such as Barack Obama have displayed calmness and a level head in the face of pressure. This emotional intelligence enables them to engage people and be successful leaders.
Methods to Help You Improve Your Emotional Quotient: A Practical Guide
So, now that we know why emotional control is better than motivation, how can we get it?
Identify Your Feelings: An Exercise in Self-Awareness
People often experience feelings without actually understanding them. The first step is to know what you feel and why you feel so.
Try This: For one week, document all the emotions you experience in a journal. Describe the circumstances that led to the strong emotions and try to understand the reason behind them.
The 5-Second Rule for Emotional Regulation
Whenever you feel a emotional reaction rising within you, make it a habit to channel your energy for 5 seconds before reacting. This simple technique allows your brain to move from an emotional to a logical state.
Example: Instead of replying to an angry email right away, take 5 seconds, take a deep breath and respond differently.
Transform the Negative Thoughts (Changing the Mindset)
Change the way you look at failures and consider them as challenges.
Example: When you get turned down for a job, don’t think, “They don’t think I’m good enough,” instead think, “It was for the best, there are better places out there.” This will help you to look at the positive side of things.
Empathy: This helps in avoiding conflict and increases relationship commitment.
Try This: Don’t respond negatively to a person’s behavior without asking yourself, ‘What is this person going through?’ This one question helps in fostering patience and understanding.
Visualization for Calmness
The big guns sit down and think about the difficult situations in order to prepare themselves mentally and emotionally.
Example: A way of preparing yourself for an important meeting is to close your eyes and imagine yourself as calm and in control of the situation even when things go wrong. This basically helps to train the brain to give the right response when in stress.
Conclusion: Master Your Emotions, Master Your Life
Motivation will definitely help you get some momentum, but it is emotional intelligence that will see you through the tough times. This way, you build a resilient mindset that will last longer than the motivation you receive.
Final Thought:
Everyone who is successful in business, sports, or leadership knows that control of emotions is the key to excellence. The question is: Will you master your emotions or will your emotions master you?
